Dress project #2.

Every time I put the scissors to a piece of fabric I get a little nervous. Sometimes I chicken out completely and go make some popcorn or something. Scissors feel so permanent.

Then I remember what the Dean of the Conservatory of Music at Wheaton College said on my first day of college: It’s not that a great musician doesn’t make mistakes; it’s that a great musician knows how to cover them up.

Hmm.

And then there’s Tim Gunn from Project Runway,

who I imagine towering over me in my sewing room, saying, “Make it work, People.” And I start to realize that it’s not about perfection, it’s about making it work–covering up my mistakes, being flexible and able to change course if needed.

So, for this next project, I set off to Goodwill to find something that I wouldn’t cry over if I messed up.

Enter this completely unattractive man’s shirt.

So ugly, and SO big.

Using this tutorial on Made By Lex, and this tutorial on Craftster.org, I started cutting and pinning, nearly breaking my back and breaking a sweat.

After two nights of doing and re-doing. I emerged from downstairs with this! Yay!

I know I’ve been conspicuously absent the past couple days but I have a great excuse. We’re recording a new CD.

My hubby just landed a job at Apple, and from now on his schedule is going to be pretty unknowable. So we decided that while we have a couple weeks before he starts working, we should just go ahead and record the album we’ve been talking about recording for the last two years. My heart feels creative and alive and wonderful as I sit here in our friend Aaron Strumpel’s house listening to Tim record guitar tracks in the other room. My kids, thanks to a wonderful friend here in town, are having a great time at her house during the days this week, and all I have to think about besides our songs is what to make for dinner and getting the girls dressed and in bed at the right time. Ahhhhhhh.

The other day, however, was a different story.

The Plan

Aaron, great friend and producer that he is, decided we needed to write a couple more songs.  Tim, great and supportive husband that he is, wanted me to be involved.  I felt good and loved.  But not only did I have my two girls with me that day, but I had my friend Ally staying with me with her toddler and baby. The guys came over at naptime hoping to get some time when ALL 4 children were sleeping.

We camped out around the table with our notebooks and instruments, hopeful and with all 4 kids in their own beds.

On The Right Foot

Five minutes. Coffee was made and chocolates were out.

Ten minutes. We had a couple inspiring psalms to work from.

Fifteen minutes. We had a couple ideas down on paper.

And then we heard Emma, my 7 month old.

Maybe she just needs to get some energy out, we said.

And then we heard Ellie, my 2 year old.

Tim went in to soothe Emma and tell Ellie, “It’s time for sleeping.” But to no avail.

And then we heard Margot, Ally’s 4 month old.

Maybe Margot will fall back asleep, we said.

Norah, sweet girl, slept for 3 hours.

And Then it All Falls Apart

At this point, 3 of the 4 babies were calling out to us from their respective pack n’ plays. Tim and Aaron, though, were determined to keep me involved in the songwriting process, and they tried their hardest to power through the sounds of three babies calling out from their respective pack n’ plays and cribs. Ally and I, however, knew better and rolled our eyes at the thought of being able to concentrate with so many babies seeking our attention.

And We’re Done.

After about 1 hour of trying to ignore the noise and be creative, Ally and I sent the boys to Aaron house to keep writing without us.

Ugh.

It’s just a season, Ally and I reminded each other. It’s not going to last forever, we said. But my eyes got teary anyway; I was disappointed. I felt bad that that we didn’t get anywhere on our song. I realized how long it had been since I’d written any songs, and I didn’t want to wave the white flag. And truthfully, I felt like I should have been able to deal with it. I felt like I should have been able to write in the midst of it all.

Those are the days when my perspective could get way off if I indulged those thoughts even just a little bit. Instead, I decided to say, this is okay. I decided to convince myself that I would have another opportunity on a better day, and that this whole deal didn’t need to tell me that my life as a creative and a songwriter had to be on hold for the next 5 years. I just don’t believe that motherhood puts the brakes on all other things that I love and care about. In fact, believing that lie would just prevent me from living into an important part of who the Father made me to be.

*Sigh*

So the next day, I woke up early, got out my guitar, and wrote the bulk of “The Lord is Good,” which I shared on this past Good Song Sunday. I started it before the kids got up, continued it while Tim and Ally fed the girls breakfast, and Ally and I finished it sometime around lunch when the girls were playing. It took 6 hours and you can see dried banana and baby cereal on my shirt in the video, but we did it! Needless to say, victorious is a great word to describe how we felt that day.

I heard my husband say this to someone not too long ago and it stuck with me.  I thought that while we’re all thinking about New Years resolutions, I’d throw it out at you:

We spend all our time praying for direction, when what we really need is courage.

I heard this and I realized that the courage I need is the courage to be right now the person I was created to be.  The courage to agree with “the gift” the Father says I am, to live out my dreams and to give myself the freedom to change, to embrace each season of my life for what it is and enjoy it to its fullest. Not a bad challenge, eh?

If you were going to act on the dreams you already have in courage, what would you do? How would it change things?